Blog: Category: Grow (5-10 years)

Why Do Siblings Fight?

Published on May 10, 2018
Kids having a pillow fight

How often, as a parent, do you hear your child saying, “Mom! Harrison keeps teasing me and won’t leave me alone!” Then your other child responds, “No I’m not, Mom! She started it!” As a child, you may remember fighting with your siblings. Now, as a parent, it seems as if your own children are constantly fighting over small disagreements. You may begin to feel like you are being stretched thin as you try to keep peace among your children and find yourself questioning, “Why do my children fight constantly?”

Siblings, in general, are not motivated to be nice to each other because they know their sibling will be there tomorrow. Sigmund Freud believed that from birth, children are locked in an external struggle for their parent’s affection. However, parental affection ranks last in terms of why siblings fight. The number one reason behind sibling fighting is sharing. Ultimately, fighting is a normal part of your child’s development. Fighting can help siblings create bonds that are stronger than their bonds with peers and/or parents. It can help them develop a sense of empathy and self-disclosure. These skills may then carry over into their future relationships and result in positive outcomes, such as better conflict resolution skills and social competence.

As for parents, it’s important to demonstrate positive strategies in resolving conflicts in a healthy manner by, for example, role modeling positive and cooperative arguments when your children are around. If you feel your children’s fights are becoming more intense or happening more frequently, there are a few ways for you to intervene and resolve the conflict peacefully.

  • First, make sure your children are separated in the room and not physically hurting one another. Allow them to take a minute or two to cool down. You can help them by demonstrating deep breathing exercises.
  • Second, get down to your children’s eye level and listen to both sides. This will allow your children to express their feelings and feel heard. Sometimes, kids maybe too upset to discuss the incident. In that case, you may need to separate your children if they are not ready to talk. Remember, you want to teach them self-calming techniques in order for them to be able to self-regulate their emotions.
  • Once both children have calmed down, bring them together. Assist your children as they express their feelings to one another and help them use joint positive problem-solving strategies to resolve the problem.
  • Lastly, follow up with your children and see how they are feeling about the conflict and whether the solution has worked for both of them.

Additional Resources

References

Edward, J. (2011). The sibling relationship: A force for growth and conflict. Lanham, Maryland:Jason Aronson [Imprint].

Recchia, H., & Howe, N. (2010). When do siblings compromise? Associations with children’s descriptions of conflict issues, culpability, and emotions. Social Development, 19(4), 838-857. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9507.2009.00567.x

Perlman, M., & Ross, H. S. (1997). The benefits of parent intervention in children’s disputes: An examination of concurrent changes in children’s fighting styles. Child Development, 68(4), 690-700. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.1997.tb04230.x

Recognizing and Managing Stress for Parents

Published on April 20, 2018
Woman stressed in front of a computer

Stress is an unavoidable part of life. Parents can experience stress related to a variety of situations. These situations can be ordinary, such as getting your children to school on time or rushing home from work to make dinner. On the other hand, they can be extreme, such as facing a serious illness or financial difficulties. Since stress can cause physical, emotional, and mental health issues if not well managed, it is important for parents to learn how to recognize and find ways to deal with stress.

How to Recognize Stress

Reflect and identify what causes you to feel stressed. Do you feel stressed in situations related to family, health, finances, work, or other situations?

Know your signs of stress. Everyone experiences signs of stress in different ways. Which of the following symptoms do you experience when you feel stress?

  • Headaches, muscle tension, neck or back pain
  • Upset stomach
  • Dry mouth
  • Chest pains, rapid heartbeat
  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Fatigue
  • Loss of appetite or overeating
  • Lack of concentration or focus
  • Irritability
  • Anxiety

Reflect on and identify how you deal with stress. Determine if you turn to unhealthy behaviors to cope with stress, such as smoking, drinking alcohol, or overeating. Do these behaviors happen often or only during certain events or situations?

How to Manage Stress

Take care of yourself. It can be hard to find time for yourself when you are a parent, but it is important to take time for yourself, even if it is just a few minutes a day.

Try different stress-reducing activities. These activities can include meditation, yoga, taking a short walk, reading, or talking about your concerns with friends or family. Everyone manages stress in his or her own way, and you may have to try a few activities to see which ones work best for you.

Spend quality time with your family. Find activities that your family enjoys doing together. Take a walk or hike, have a family game night, or go to the movies.

Focus on changing only one behavior at a time. Unhealthy behaviors that develop because of stress can be difficult to change. Instead of making several changes at one time, focus on one behavior you would like to change or improve.

Reach out for support. Accepting help from supportive friends and family can improve your ability to manage stress. If you continue to feel overwhelmed by stress, you may want to talk to a doctor or psychologist, who could help you manage your stress and change unhealthy behaviors.

Additional Resources

References

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Managing stress for a healthy family. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/managing-stress.aspx

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Five tips to help manage stress. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/manage-stress.aspx

How to Talk to Kids About Tolerance, Acceptance, and Diversity

Published on April 3, 2018
Biracial family posing for a picture

“Mom, why is that person in a wheelchair?”

“Dad, why do Sam and I look so different?”

We have all been there. Kids ask difficult questions, often at inconvenient times. Sometimes we shush them or feel embarrassed about the issue they have raised. As parents, teaching tolerance and acceptance and embracing diversity and inclusion are part of the job description – and it even can be one of the perks!

As parents, we can try to be prepared and put in place strategies that help our children understand the diverse world in which we live. Explore your family’s cultural and ethnic background. Many of the things we do every day as parents trace back to our cultural roots, and we may take for granted that our children understand why we do what we do. Be vocal, explore traditions, and tell stories. These actions and activities can open the door to exciting conversations with your kids.

Along with looking at your family’s background, explore and celebrate how other people do things. Learning with your kids can be an exciting way to build cultural competence and invite the value of inclusivity to your family. Exposure to other cultures, traditions, religions, races, and ethnicities can help children cultivate an understanding of who they are and an awareness of the diverse world around them. Attending cultural festivals, reading books that highlight diversity, eating different foods, encouraging diverse friend groups, and exploring cultural stereotypes in media are all great ways to build inclusive values.

Even when families have a solid foundation and family values that nurture and support acceptance, the time will come when your child shouts something that makes you feel uncomfortable in the moment. At this point, it is important to take a breath and respond in a manner that is calm, caring, positive, matter-of-fact, and non-judgmental. These moments provide some of your best opportunities to connect with your child and continue his or her learning about tolerance and acceptance in a meaningful way.

Additional Resources

Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness. (2018). Inclusivity: How to talk to your kids about tolerance and acceptance. Retrieved from http://talktoyourkids.info

PBS Parents. (2018). Talking with Kids. Positive Ways to Talk and Listen. Retrieved from http://www.pbs.org/parents/talkingwithkids/strategies.html

We’ve put together a list of books for kids about tolerance, acceptance, and diversity. Click here to download the book list.

Helmet and Bike Safety for Children

Published on March 20, 2018
Kid riding bike with helmet

Whether used for transportation or just for fun, bikes can be a great way to get outdoors and get some exercise! When parents encourage their children to practice helmet and bike safety, they can help prevent some injuries that can occur while riding, such as concussions. Most importantly, children and adults should always wear a helmet every time they ride a bikeeven on short rides. While not all injuries can be prevented, a good-fitting helmet can provide protection to one’s face, skull, and brain if a fall occurs. But with so many options, finding the right helmet for your child may seem overwhelming. Follow the guidelines below for some help!

  • As helmets are so important, the U.S. government has created safety standards for them. When purchasing a helmet for your child, look for a sticker that says it meets the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) standards.
  • Helmets should fit snugly all around the head with no space between the foam and the rider’s head.
  • The bottom of the pad inside the front of the helmet should be one or two finger widths above the rider’s eyebrows. The back should not touch the top of the rider’s neck.
  • Make sure you can see your child’s eyes and that he or she can see straight forward and side-to-side.
  • Side straps should make a “V” shape under and slightly in front of the rider’s ears.
  • No more than one or two fingers should be able to fit under the chin strap. When your child opens his or her mouth wide, the helmet should pull down on his or her head. If it doesn’t, the chin strap needs to be tighter.
  • The helmet should not move in any direction once the chin strap is fastened.
  • If your helmet is damaged or has been through a crash, get a new one! Helmets are designed to help protect the rider from one serious impact.

Riding a bike that is in good condition and is the right size for your child can also help keep him or her safe! To quickly test a bike to see if it is the right size, have your child stand straddling the top bar of the bike with both feet are on the ground. There should be 1 to 3 inches of space between your child and the top bar. Also, always check that your child’s bike has brakes that work well and the tires have enough air.

Once your child has a helmet that fits and a bike that is the right size, he or she is ready to ride! Helping your child understand and follow the following safety guidelines can help keep him or her safe while riding:

  • Always ride with hands on the handlebars.
  • Always stop and check for traffic in both directions when leaving your driveway, a curb, or an alley.
  • Use bike lanes when possible. Always ride on the right side of the street, in the same direction as cars.
  • Stop at all stop signs, obey traffic lights, and learn appropriate turning signals.
  • Ride with friends in a single file line.
  • Do not wear headphones while riding a bike. Music may distract the rider from noises, such as car horns.

References

Centers for Disease Control. (2015). Get a heads up on bike helmet safety. Retrieved from
https://www.cdc.gov/headsup/pdfs/helmets/headsup_helmetfactsheet_bike_508.pdf

Kidshealth. (2014). Bike safety. Retrieved from http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/bike-safety.html

When Should You Start Getting Your Child’s Teeth Checked?

Published on February 20, 2018
Kid brushing teeth

One of the many milestones parents track with their new babies is the emergence of the first tooth. But, when should you first visit the dentist?  Probably earlier than you think. The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry (AAPD) recommends that children should visit the dentist within six months after their first tooth appears or by age 1.

Cleaning your child’s teeth should begin at birth using a washcloth at bath time to wipe his or her gums clean. Once his or her first pearly white pops through, begin using a soft infant toothbrush twice a day with a small amount of fluoride toothpaste. Keep in mind that children don’t need much toothpaste. The American Dental Association (ADA) recommends using a smear of toothpaste the size of a grain of rice for children from birth to age 3. For children ages 3 and up a pea sized amount is all you need.

Your child will need your assistance until about age 7 or 8 to ensure he or she  reaches his or her back teeth for a thorough cleaning. Flossing is another important part of healthy teeth and should be done at least once a day. Make it easier for your child by using floss that comes on a handle.

Just like adult toothbrushes, your child’s toothbrush should be replaced every 3 to 6 months or when the bristles appear to be worn. All family members should visit your dentist twice a year for cleanings and check-ups.

Additional Resources

References

AAPD. (n.d.).  FAQ. American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry. Retrieved from http://www.aapd.org/resources/frequently_asked_questions/#311

ADA. (n.d).   How to care for your child’s teeth.  Mouth Healthy by the American Dental Association. Retrieved from https://familydoctor.org/dental-hygiene-how-to-care-for-your-childs-teeth/

Is Bedwetting Common for Children?

Published on February 10, 2018
Child with urine spot on the bed

As a parent, you probably remember potty training your toddler. At times, it may have been challenging and you might have questioned if your child would ever get out of diapers. Nevertheless, your child ultimately triumphed and was finally potty trained! Or so you thought… Out of the blue you start to notice that your child is wetting his or her bed – not just once but frequently. You may notice your child is ashamed and withdrawing from school and, perhaps, even from you.

Bedwetting, or nocturnal enuresis, can be an embarrassing problem for the child and the parent, but it is very common among young children. In the United States, over 5 million children wet the bed some or most nights, and about 15% of children continue to wet the bed beyond the age of 5. By age 10, 95% of children are dry at night.

Children stop wetting the bed at different ages. It is important for parents to understand that their child will most probably outgrow this phase. However, if bedwetting persists, keep an open mind and with love and support help your child tackle the issue.

Here are a few facts and strategies for addressing bedwetting:

  • Usually between ages 3 and 5, a child no longer needs a diaper during the night. However, some children’s bladders are smaller, which causes them to urinate more frequently.
  • While your child is sleeping, the brain may not receive the message from the bladder that it is full, which can cause your child to not wake up to use the bathroom.
  • Bedwetting is common among family members. Children with a parent or parents who were bedwetters are more likely to wet the bed themselves.
  • Some medical conditions, such as a urinary tract infection or constipation, may cause your child to bed wet. Rule out any medical issues by visiting your child’s pediatrician.
  • Accidents happen. When they do, be supportive and help your child clean up. You can also use absorbent pads under the sheets to help protect the mattress from getting wet.
  • Limit fluids in the evening and encourage your child to stick to a regular bedtime routine that includes a trip to the toilet shortly before going to sleep.
  • Consider having your child use a bedwetting alarm that is designed to help them wake up to use the bathroom. You may need to remind them multiple times to wear the alarm.
  • Remember, it is not your child’s fault for wetting the bed. Try to be understanding and patient. Getting angry or punishing your child for wetting the bed will only add pressure and potentially make the problem worse.
  • If the problem becomes worse, consider seeking help from your child’s pediatrician and/or a child psychologist.

Additional Resources

References

Bennett, H. J., & American Academy of Pediatrics. (2015). Waking up dry: A guide to help children overcome bedwetting (2nd ed.). Elk Grove Village, IL: American Academy of Pediatrics.

The Importance of Handwashing for Kids

Published on December 1, 2017
Mom helping daughter wash hands

Children come into contact with germs every day. Proper handwashing can help stop the spread of many illnesses – from the common cold to more serious illnesses like hepatitis A. Handwashing is easy, inexpensive, effective, and can help prevent sick days and trips to the doctor!

Here are some techniques for proper handwashing:

  • Wash your hands in warm water
  • Use soap and lather for about 20 seconds, which is about the length of time for children to sing “Happy Birthday” twice
  • Make sure to wash in between fingers, under nails, and wrists
  • Rinse and dry with a clean towel

Parents can help their children stay healthy by doing the following:

Teach children good handwashing techniques

When you are first teaching young children how to wash their hands, remember the following:

  • Demonstrate how to wash your hands; young children learn best through watching and doing – not just hearing!
  • Explain the proper handwashing techniques one at a time as your child practices
  • Follow up handwashing lessons with story books about germs and handwashing, look at pictures of germs, and point out when role models wash their hands. Other interactive activities will reinforce handwashing

Remind children to wash their hands in these situations:

  • Before eating and cooking
  • After using the bathroom
  • After coughing, sneezing, or blowing one’s nose
  • After cleaning around the house
  • After touching animals or pets
  • After coming home from school
  • After playing outside
  • Before and after visiting or taking care of sick friends or relatives

Wash your own hands with your children and model proper handwashing

  • Children do not always see what you do, so talk about it! Announce when and why you are going to wash your hands or talk about something you touched and how you washed your hands after you touched it
  • Carry hand sanitizer for times when there is no sink or soap available

Even when children know how to wash their hands, they may still need reminders! To stop the spread of germs, make hand washing rules and routines, such as washing before meals and after using the bathroom.

References

ABC News. (2011). How long should you wash your hands? Retrieved from http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/long-wash-hands/story?id=13630024

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2012). Handwashing: A family activity. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/hygiene/hand/handwashing-family.html

Earth’s Kids. (n.d.). Teaching hand washing: Information and resources for parents & caregivers. Retrieved from http://www.earthskids.com/basic_handwashing_info.htm

Kidshealth. (2015). Why is handwashing so important? Retrieved from http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/hand-washing.html

Saving Money on Food When You Have a Tight Budget

Published on November 13, 2017
Mother reaching for produce with her child

Feeding your family can be challenging when you are on a tight budget, but there are many ways you can cut costs. Think of grocery shopping in three steps: planning, purchasing, and preparing. Taking a small amount of time each week to think through each step can help you save money in the long run!

Step 1: Plan

  • Plan meals before shopping. Plan for the week, and try to include meals that you can use as leftovers for lunches or for another dinner later in the week, such as soups, casseroles, or stir-fries. Check to see what foods you already have and make a list of the food you need to buy. Stay organized with a grocery list to avoid buying items you do not need.
  • Look for sales to get the best price. Sales flyers are usually released mid-week and are found in the newspaper, at grocery store entrances, or on the store’s website.
  • Join the store loyalty program. When you use a loyalty card, you can purchase items at a lower price, and you may get special offers and coupons that non-members do not get.
  • Use coupons to save money. Remember that coupons only help if they are for items you usually buy. Remember another brand can still cost less even after you use a coupon.
  • Eat before you shop. Grocery shopping hungry can lead to impulse buying and unhealthy food choices!

Step 2: Purchase

  • Look at the “Unit Price.” The small stickers on the shelves tell you the price but also the unit price—how much the item costs per ounce, per pound, or another standard amount. Use the unit price to compare different brands and different sizes of items to determine which is more economical.
  • Buy in bulk. It is usually cheaper to buy foods in bulk but only buy a size you can use before it spoils. If you buy meat in bulk, decide what you need to use in the next day or two and then freeze the rest in portion-sized packages. Before you shop, remember to check how much freezer space you have available.
  • Buy produce in season. Fruits and vegetables cost less when they are in season. Some produce is usually low cost year-round, such as bananas, apples, oranges, cabbage, sweet potatoes, dark-green leafy vegetables, green peppers, and carrots.
  • Try to avoid prepared or convenience foods. Convenience foods, like frozen dinners, bagged salads, shredded cheese, individual yogurt cups, and instant oatmeal, usually cost more. You can save money, if you take the time to prepare foods yourself.
  • Consider buying store brands. Most stores offer their own brand of products that often cost less than name brands. These products will have a special label, sometimes with the store name. You might have to look on shelves that are higher or lower than eye level to find them. Stores usually put brand name items on shelves at eye level.

Step 3: Prepare

  • Cook once and eat all week. Prepare large batches of your favorite recipes and use for lunches or for another dinner later in the week, such as soups and casseroles.
  • Think about the foods you throw away. Try using leftover foods in stir-fries, salads, omelets, or soups. Throwing away food is like throwing away money!
  • Use frozen foods. Frozen food is convenient, nutritious, and economical. Purchase multiple bags of frozen vegetables when they go on sale. You can also freeze fresh fruits and vegetables, when they are in season, to use later.

Additional Resources

For ideas on how to eat healthy on a budget, including recipes, download Meeting Your MyPlate Goals on a Budget:
https://whatscooking.fns.usda.gov/sites/default/files/featuredlinks/MeetingYourMyPlateGoalsOnABudget.pdf

Find more tips on planning affordable weekly meals: www.choosemyplate.gov/budget-weekly-meals

References

Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. (January 16, 2014). 10 Tips for Eating Right Affordably. Retrieved from http://www.eatright.org/resource/food/planning-and-prep/eat-right-on-a-budget/10-tips-for-eating-right-affordably

Church, C. (September 5, 2017). 14-proven ways to save money on groceries: part 1. Retrieved from https://militaryfamilies.extension.org/2017/09/05/14-proven-ways-to-save-money-on-groceries-part-1/

Church, C. (September 12, 2017). 14-proven ways to save money on groceries: part 2. Retrieved from https://militaryfamilies.extension.org/2017/09/12/17979/

United States Department of Agriculture (USDA). (July 25, 2017). Ten Tips to Eating Better on a Budget. Retrieved from https://www.choosemyplate.gov/ten-tips-eating-better-on-a-budget