Relationships that parents establish between each other and with their children can have lasting effects throughout their children’s lives. A study conducted by the Department of Human Development and Family Studies found that there may be a connection between the quality of coparenting that exists between two parents and the level of strength found within a mother-infant bond (Kim et al., 2024). In other words, when the coparenting relationship provides support and assistance to the mother, the mother is better equipped to be more present for the child and create a more meaningful bond with the child.
How can you help to coparent in a supportive way? This can and will look different for each family. However, when you understand your coparent’s expectations and needs and realize your own expectations and needs, you can work with your coparent in a more effective way. Try some of the following tips, below, to help you and your partner co-parent in a way that works for you and the other caregivers in your life.
Evaluate Expectations
Having an infant changes the way your household runs. What may have worked before your baby was present may not work now. Sit down with your coparent and discuss the division of labor you previously used and the changes that may need to be made now. You may want to consider some of the following:
- Who will complete specific household tasks, such as doing laundry and cleaning bathroom(s)? This can include multiple people and alternating responsibilities. For example, one person does the laundry on Monday, and another person does the laundry on Thursday.
- Who wakes up at night with the baby? This can include multiple people and alternating responsibilities. For example, Mom could take the first feeding at night, but, if nursing, she pumps during the day, so Dad can take the second feeding of the night.
- How can you work together to ensure both, or all, caregivers do not feel overwhelmed? You may want to create a household chore and responsibility list or plan meals on Sunday for the upcoming week.
Remember, tasks and responsibilities may, and probably will, change over time.
Self-Care
Change can increase an individual’s stress. Caring for babies can be exciting and fun, but it can also be stressful and time consuming, and you may forget to take care of yourself. Self-care is important for everyone within the caregiving team.
- What does self-care look like for you? What does it look like for everyone else who helps with the caregiving?
- How will you ensure you are taking time to relax and unwind? For example, could you incorporate you’re a self-care activity in your daily routines by taking a walk in nature or practicing yoga or another mindfulness activity?
- How can you help the other caregivers find relaxation time? For example, you could create a coparenting plan that allows your coparent or other caregivers to engage in an activity of his or her choice—and this activity could include a nap, a run, or a trip to a favorite store!
- What can you do to help them while they are practicing self-care or relaxing? For example, you could take the baby for a walk, clean up the kitchen, or cook a meal to take something off their normal task list.
Communicate
Talk with your coparent! Your life will likely feel much different with a new child, but slow down, and have conversations with the other caregivers in your life and reevaluate responsibilities and interactions to remain connected. Remember to talk about ideas, activities, or experiences other than those that involve your child. This may be difficult in the moment but keep trying!
Parenting and co-parenting will be different for everyone. Determine what works for you and those who are caring for your child so you can work together to ensure everyone has the opportunity to build quality interactions and bonds with the baby and each other!
Additional Resources
CoParenting Supplemental Module
Coordinating and Managing Parenting Expectations (blog)
References
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2022). Breastfeeding and the use of human milk. Pediatrics, 150(1). https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2022-057988
Kim, C. Y., Smith, N. P., & Teti, D. M. (2024). Associations between breastfeeding, maternal emotional availability, and infant-mother attachment: The role of coparenting. Journal of Human Lactation, 40(3), 455-463. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/08903344241247207
