Blog: Category: Thrive

Your family’s cultural background can shape your and your child’s (and your extended family member’s) behaviors, lifestyle, and perspectives regarding your community and the world. When children feel a sense of pride and self-esteem with and for their cultural background, their well-being can be positively affected, their perspectives can be diversified, and their contributions to society can be worthwhile and productive. While it is important for children to learn to embrace their roots, it is also important for your child to recognize and accept the diverse cultures and traditions of others. You are your child’s first teacher and their best role model. Show them how to celebrate their heritage and honor the differences in others. Here are some strategies you can use to help your child value the diversity that they and their peers can offer to make the world a beautiful and rich place.

Five Ways to Instill Cultural and Ethnic Pride in Your Children

Exhibit pride in your traditions. Be a role model for your child. Uphold your traditions like cooking cultural foods, wearing traditional garments, and speaking your native language at home. Teach your child love for their roots while maintaining respect for the traditions of others.

Teach your child to feel proud of their heritage. Talk about your cultural background in a positive light. Honestly teach your children about your family’s history, and indicate how your family, including your child, comes from strong and resilient people. Discuss, in an age-appropriate way, the obstacles that you’ve overcome personally and as a member of an ethnic or racial group and the challenges some ethnic and racial groups have confronted and surmounted. Highlight the strengths and positive outcomes that arose from your and others’ persistence and efforts, and remind your child that they, too, possess that same strength and persistence.

Teach your child love for themself. Remind your child that the features that make them unique also make them special. Provide them with affirmations to appreciate their skin, hair, voice, abilities, experiences, and other characteristics that can promote their self-love and self-worth. Praise the actions and behaviors that they do well, and help your child become confident in who they are and in what they believe.

Find books, apps, games, and digital media programming with diverse characters in varied roles. Help your child see themself reflected in media (e.g., books, images, movies, games, social media) and in the activities they love. Recognizing these representations can boost your child’s imagination, expedite their budding aspirations, and help them see themself as the star of their own story.

Get involved in your child’s school. Ensure your ethnicity, traditions, and customs are respected and not ignored. Advocate for observance of your cultural traditions. Encourage visibility of your culture through images, stories, and activities, and be willing to respond appropriately to misrepresentations of your roots.

Five Ways to Honor Differences in Others’ Heritage

Ask questions and acknowledge how our differences make us special. Ensure your child understands that it is okay to ask (and answer) questions related to different cultural backgrounds; however, remind them, that personal heritages and experiences are unique to individuals and families, and one person does not qualify as the spokesperson for their specific cultural group(s). Be prepared to promote understanding and respect, listen openly to other perspectives, and practice cultural competency and humility.

Learn more about other cultures. Consider participating in cultural events and festivals. Read books, visit restaurants, and watch documentaries that represent experiences that are different from your own. However, be mindful not to perpetuate common stereotypes regarding other groups.

Create a welcoming and inclusive environment. Treat others with respect and dignity, and demonstrate tolerance. Recognize the shared humanity among all people. Understand that everyone shares basic needs and desires (e.g., food, safety, love, happiness, peace). Develop sincere relationships with people from different backgrounds who have different abilities and experiences.

Acknowledge and discuss current events related to different racial/ethnic groups with your child. Identify news and events that celebrate diversity, and learn and respect customs associated with various traditional events or holidays. Conversely, create a safe space to discuss your and your child’s feelings regarding racial inequalities and injustices. Listen to your child’s concerns and engage in age-appropriate conversations with them.

Speak up in the face of bias. Embrace differences. Remain calm and self-assured during challenging and even negative times. Encourage your child to stand up for their beliefs. Demonstrate productive ways to challenge negative stereotypes or bring attention to signs that others are being mistreated—whether the representations are in person, in books, on television, or in social media.

Heritage and History Months that Celebrate Diversity

February – Black History Month

March – Women’s History Month, Irish American Heritage Month

April – National Deaf History Month (March 15 – April 15), Arab American Heritage Month

May – Asian American, Native Hawaiian, Pacific Islander Heritage; Older Americans Month; Jewish American Heritage Month; Military Appreciation Month

June – Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Pride Month; Caribbean American Heritage Month; National Immigrant Heritage Month; World Refugee Day

July – Disability Pride Month

September – National Hispanic-Latinx Heritage Month (September15-October 15)

October – National Disability Employment Awareness Month, National Italian American Heritage Month, LBGTQ+ History Month

November – National American Indian Heritage Month; National Veterans and Military Families Month

A new year is upon us, and it may bring with it promises of beginnings and opportunities for positive change. The start of the New Year is not just a marker of time, but it can also be a symbolic moment to reflect on the past and envision a brighter future. In addition, the New Year can be a time when you and your family create your special individual and family New Year’s resolutions. Developing an annual tradition in which all family members think about positivity can foster a sense of personal growth, for children and adults, and may encourage family bonding and improve goal-setting skills. Let’s discuss some strategies for setting New Year’s resolutions individually and within the family context and ideas for implementing practical approaches that can make this activity a meaningful experience for every family member.

Why set New Year’s resolutions with children

When parents or caregivers involve their children in setting New Year’s resolutions, they are modeling positive behaviors and offering children opportunities to learn how to set goals for themselves and begin to understand the value of personal development. Participating in goal setting can teach children responsibility and perseverance and can give them an opportunity to feel joy as they achieve something meaningful. By involving your children in this process, you empower them and strengthen the family bond as you work towards meeting shared objectives and create a tradition to look forward to every year.

The SMART way to set goals

Consider using the SMART goal framework to set your New Year’s resolutions. SMART goals provide a clear roadmap for success and are goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. Establishing SMART goals can ensure that resolutions set by family members are well defined, realistic, and attainable within a designated time frame.
Let’s break down the components of SMART goals with some examples:

Specific: Specify exactly what you want to achieve.

• Traditional Resolution: “Exercise more.”
• SMART Resolution: “Take a family walk for 30 minutes every evening after dinner.”

Measurable: Establish a way to track your progress, and determine when you have met your goal.

• Traditional Resolution: “Read more books.”
• SMART Resolution: “Read one book each month, and discuss it with the family.”

Achievable: Ensure that your goal is realistic and attainable.

• Traditional Resolution: “Learn a new instrument.”
• SMART Resolution: “Practice the guitar for 15 minutes every day.”

Realistic: Set goals that are reasonable and within your capabilities.

• Traditional Resolution: “Get all A’s in school.”
• SMART Resolution: “Improve my grades by dedicating 1 hour to homework each school night.”

Timely: Define a time frame for accomplishing your goal.

• Traditional Resolution: “Learn a new language.”
• SMART Resolution: “Complete an online language course by June.”

Start small and build up

Start small, and set goals that can be easily achieved. Using this approach can increase opportunities for positive feedback, prevent feelings of discouragement, and foster a positive and empowering mindset for all family members. When goals are within one’s grasp, the individual is more likely to stay motivated and committed. Starting small and reaching these goals allow individuals, especially children, a chance to experience the satisfaction of progress and success. Their confidence can also be improved by reaching milestones, and they may find ways to build on those accomplishments! By striving to keep goals attainable, families can set themselves up for a journey filled with achievable milestones, continuous growth, and fun.

Set family resolutions

In addition to each family member setting individual SMART goals, families can set resolutions (or goals) they want to achieve together. These shared objectives can strengthen familial bonds and encourage collective growth. When families set resolutions together, they foster an environment of collaboration and support in which each member plays a vital role in achieving shared aspirations. Listed below are some examples of family resolutions, resolutions for younger children, and resolutions for adolescents and teens.

Weekly Family Meals:

• SMART Goal: “Have a family meal together once a week and be together at least 30 minutes with no phones at the table.”

Exercise Routine:

• SMART Goal: “Engage in 30 minutes of family exercise each day and allow each family member the opportunity to choose an activity to engage in that week (e.g., dancing, walking the dog, going to the park).”

Cooking Together:

• SMART Goal: “Make one evening ‘Family Cook Night’ where the entire family will prepare, cook, and eat a meal together. Each family member will get a chance to choose a meal they would like to prepare.”

Family Game Night:

• SMART Goal: “Schedule a weekly family game night, and turn off screens to reconnect and enjoy quality time.”

For Younger Children:

• Daily Chores:
  • SMART Goal: Complete morning routine: Get up, get dressed, make your bed, eat breakfast, and brush your teeth.
• Reading Habits:
  • SMART Goal: “Read for 20 minutes a day either independently or with a family member.”

For Adolescents/Teens:

• Screen-Free Time:
  • SMART Goal: Learn/practice a new skill that doesn’t involve the use of a screen.
• Balanced Lifestyle:
  • SMART Goal: “Go outside for at least 1 hour a day to engage in physical activity like running, biking, tennis, or pickleball.”

Revisit resolutions and goals as needed

Adaptability can be key when it comes to setting goals. Allow flexibility for yourself and your child so you can adjust any pre-established goals throughout the year and encourage success. Kids grow and change rapidly, and their interests and capabilities will evolve. Adjusting goals, as needed, allows for a more realistic and encouraging approach and considers the developmental stage of your child and their priorities. Whether modifying learning objectives, altering extracurricular commitments, or pivoting to a new hobby, parents who can recognize and adapt to these changes can ensure children’s goals remain achievable and aligned with their needs and aspirations. Teaching children the value of flexibility in goal setting can equip them with essential life skills and can foster a resilient and positive attitude toward overcoming challenges.

Incorporating SMART goals into your family’s New Year’s resolutions can set the stage for a successful and fulfilling year. As you embark on this journey together, remember that your commitment to continuous improvement is vital. To further support your resolution-setting endeavors and make this process more rewarding for you and your children, explore the resources listed below. Here’s to a SMART and joyful New Year for your family!

Many families take advantage of school and child-care center breaks and closures as opportunities to spend time bonding, relaxing, vacationing, and taking trips to visit extended family. During these times, family routines may change, house rules could ease, and unstructured activities may become the norm. After days or weeks of excitement (or complaints of boredom) and altered day-to-day habits, your children may find it difficult  to transition to their post-break routine. Transitioning may also be more problematic for children who experience developmental, behavioral, or emotional challenges. While many children are generally flexible and can adapt to different situations, everyone needs time to adjust. Here are some strategies to consider that may help make your child’s transition easier.

Talk to your child about expectations for getting back to school or child care

Focus on positive aspects of going back to school or the early childhood education center (e.g. playing with friends, spending time with their favorite teacher, wearing a new outfit). Explain their drop-off and pick-up arrangements to them. Remind your child about any after-school plans that are in place (e.g., after-school programs, at-home routine, parent availability).

Discuss your child’s worries and concerns

Ask your child about what, if any, aspects of their return are causing fear and stress for them. Remind them that many people experience nervousness about their return to school or child care and their routine will begin to feel normal again soon. Offer your child support and problem solve strategies together to overcome their concerns.

Reassure your child that they will be safe and protected

Let your child know that their teacher(s) understand that transitioning back to school or child care can be challenging or may cause anxiety for them. Assure your child that they can trust their teacher and their teacher will work to ensure they are as comfortable as possible. Also, consider communicating your child’s specific needs with their teachers or other school personnel.

Create a back-to-school checklist

Prior to your child’s return, identify and create a list of all tasks that you and your child will need to complete to prepare for their return to school or child care (e.g., clothing, books, hairstyling, nutritional needs). You may also want to create a separate list that details specific items that need to be added to your child’s backpack for school or child care.

Start a predictable routine with sleep times

A few days or weeks in advance, help your child adjust to their appropriate sleep and wake times. If your bedtime routine has been altered and children are going to bed later and/or waking later, encourage your child to go to bed at an earlier time each night, and progressively wake your child earlier each morning until you have reached the desired sleep/wake-up intervals. You may access the American Academy of Pediatrics sleep recommendations for children at https://publications.aap.org/aapnews/news/6630/AAP-endorses-new-recommendations-on-sleep-times?autologincheck=redirected.

Schedule regular meals and snacks for your child

When your child is awake, you may want to ensure they eat healthy meals and snacks at regular times throughout the day. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that children eat three meals and two healthy snacks per day. The 5210 Healthy Children website (https://5210.psu.edu/) offers suggestions for meal and snack options to support increasing families’ fruit and vegetable intake to five or more servings per day.

Manage activities and media use on days prior to the return

Engage in physical activity for at least 1 hour throughout the day. Physical activities can include walking, running, biking, engaging in sports, playing at the playground, practicing yoga, or doing sit-ups. Also, practice reading, writing, math, and other activities with your child for mental stimulation. Lastly, reduce your child’s screen time, and ensure they are screen-free at least 1 hour before bed. Recommendations and tips for incorporating these behaviors in your daily routine can be found at https://5210.psu.edu/.

Use a visual aid or routine chart

Have a visual aid to help countdown the days before the return to school or child care. For example, by using a calendar, you can document additional breaks that are upcoming and extracurricular activities or performances that have been scheduled. You can also display your family’s daily routine and expectations, including specific household tasks your child may need to complete and when.

Practice the route with your child

Whether your child rides with you, carpools with a friend, bikes, or walks to school or their child care facility, rehearse the route with them at their regular times. Doing this could help to ensure your child is comfortable when school or child care reopens, to note any safety precautions they should consider, and to remind them of the common rules of the road.

Write down need-to-know information

To help remind your child about important details regarding their school or child care routine (or to communicate important information to school personnel), consider making a list of pertinent information for your child and placing it in their backpack. The information could be emergency contact details, medication administration times, their bus driver’s name and bus number, lunch times, or school start and end times.

Organize supplies and clothes the night before

To keep your family on track and create a more focused morning routine, arrange your child’s supplies in their backpacks the night before, and set their backpacks by the door. Encourage your child to choose an outfit to wear for their first day back and place their clothes in their bedrooms to foster a sense of autonomy and self-expression for your child. You may also consider prepping their snacks and school lunch at this time.

Initiate a buddy system, if necessary and appropriate

Consider connecting with another family or neighbor so your child can develop a connection on the walk or ride to school. This can help make the transition smoother for your child after they arrive at school.

Find opportunities for relaxation

The structured learning and activity at schools and child care centers can lead to mental and physical fatigue for many children. As your family prepares to transition into your post-vacation learning and activity routine, ensure your child has space to unwind when necessary, and support them in exploring and learning ways to practice self-care.

Note: As with many endeavors, children may find the return to school or child care to be unsettling. However, if you are concerned that your child’s symptoms go beyond common back-to-school jitters (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, nervousness, separation anxiety), consider speaking with your child’s healthcare provider, counselor, or teacher for resources and support.

Peer conflict is a normal part of human interaction, and children often begin to experience this type of conflict during childhood. These conflicts can occur for several reasons and may be verbal (i.e., spoken or written) or physical confrontations. As a parent, understanding some of the reasons for childhood peer conflict can help you better guide your children through these situations in a positive way.

The following are examples of why children may experience peer conflict:

• Competition: Humans can have feelings or desires that may compete with another’s feelings or desires. For example, when two children want to play with the same toy at the same time, a conflict could arise. Children often lack experience with communicating and interacting with others, so they may find it difficult to manage these types of competitive situations in appropriate and effective ways.
• Misunderstandings: This can occur when there has been a disagreement or a misinterpretation of a communication. Children’s communication skills are developing during childhood, so misunderstandings may occur often because they do not grasp the meaning or intent of an interaction.
• Social pressures: Navigating social situations can be challenging for children as their experiences with people, places, and interactions may be limited. Their responses can be a result of them trying to fit in, or identify, with a person or group of people.
• Emotions: A child’s immediate response to a situation will often directly mirror their emotions—this could be a positive or negative reaction. As children have experiences, they will learn how to develop their emotional control and, thus, their impulsive behavior.

Managing Peer Conflict: How you can help!

As children gain experiences in a variety of situations with diverse individuals, they may encounter situations that can create emotional distress within themselves. When children are emotionally upset, they need support from their important adults (e.g., parents/caregivers, teachers) to learn how to self-regulate their emotions and reactions. Research suggests that direct intervention in child peer conflicts may not be the most productive approach unless someone is in immediate danger. Instead, adults should help the child, or children, by guiding them through the interaction.

Here are a few ways adults can help children navigate these situations:

• Prompting: Prompting is the act of giving guidance to children on what to say next. For example, if two children are arguing over a toy, you could verbally prompt the child without the toy by saying, “Maybe you could try asking ‘May I borrow that toy?’”
• Questioning: Ask your child self-reflective questions, such as, “What do you think your friend is trying to say?” or “Are you sure you understand what your friend is trying to say?”
• Modeling: Model positive communication skills in your everyday interactions with your child and when children are present. Children learn how to handle conflict by watching and imitating how the adults around them act. If children see you handling conflicts in positive and productive ways, they will likely strive to do the same.
• Using “I” statements: Help your child understand that using statements with “I” instead of “you” can help others understand how the speaker feels without anyone placing blame. For example, you may encourage your child to say, “I felt mad when you took my ball without asking” instead of saying, “You took my ball to make me angry.” The first statement lets others know how the speaker is feeling without placing any blame and is usually a more effective communication strategy.
• Leaving: Walking away from a volatile or difficult situation can sometimes be the best resolution. Tell your child that there may be situations when they do not know what to say or when they feel that they may have an extreme emotional reaction (e.g., hitting their peer). Reassure them that, in these situations, it is often better to walk away.

Peer conflict is not all bad. It can be a useful experience that can help your child develop positive communication skills and problem-solving skills. Helping your child recognize what peer conflict is, why it might happen, and what strategies are available to help diffuse contentious situations is important. Teaching and using these skills can help you help your child resolve differences and develop healthy communication skills.

Although the restrictions that emerged from the COVID-19 pandemic limited people’s abilities to connect face-to-face, many families and children were able to adapt and use technology to help them stay connected. For example, your family may have kept in contact with loved ones through social media and video calls. Even though social distancing is less common now, there are ways that your child’s social-skill development may benefit from interacting with technology.

How Can Technology Benefit Children Socially?

Internet-based communication and connections are often commonplace with adolescents and teens in our society. So, as a parent, you may want to broach these topics with your younger child (and even your teen) to help keep them safe in the social media world while also letting them experience the world the internet has opened up. With technology, your child’s world can expand beyond the physical region in which you live. When parents and caregivers allow children to safely experience the world through their internet-based community and connections, these children can realize some important benefits (Digital Responsibility, 2023):

• Meet and make friends with peers who live all around the world.
• Be exposed to and learn about different cultures, races, socioeconomic backgrounds, and religions.
• Learn about and experience empathy, tolerance, and understanding toward other people.
• Discover how human’s interact with others on a larger scale.
• Connect with peers in a comfortable setting. This may be helpful for individuals who struggle with or may be nervous about face-to-face interactions.
• Stay connected with peers and family members they may not often see in person.

How Can You Help Your Child Use Technology?

Although there are benefits to using technology as a way for anyone to develop social skills and increase socialization, as a parent, you may want to help your child learn how to balance their technology use (raisingchildren.net.au, 2022). Try some of the suggestions, below, to help your child balance their time using technology, and, as a bonus, stay involved in their lives in the process!

Encourage face-to-face socialization

• Encourage your child to interact with and spend time with peers in a face-to-face situation in addition to their communications through technology.
  • Communicating and socializing face-to-face with others can help your child learn social cues, such as body language and facial expressions, in order to enhance their interactions and social skills.

Set boundaries and expectations

• Discuss with your child what realistic and healthy expectations for their technology use could look like.
  • Work with your child to create and set these expectations. Because you are involving your child in this process, they are learning how to set boundaries for future situations and are more likely to follow the agreed-upon rules.

Play video games together

• Learn about their games, and ask about the friends they are playing with.
  • Doing this can help you learn about their interests, can offer you opportunities to discuss social situations within the game, and help you be more in tune with their connections (e.g., for safety reasons).

Watch media together

• Sit with your child and watch their favorite television show or movie, and talk to them about the social situations that are happening on the screen.
  • This can be an opportunity for you to connect with your child and discuss real-life situations in a non-threatening or pressured way.

When you and your child work together to use technology safely and responsibly, you and your child can identify ways to positively benefit from social interactions inside and outside of the household!

Family road trips can be a happy and memorable experience for children. They offer opportunities for families to spend quality time together, make memories, take in new and different sights, and have fun with each other. In addition, road trips may be preferred over traveling on planes, buses, and trains for a young child as using the family car reduces exposure to individuals outside of the family unit and their germs. Traveling, however, with children, via any means, may also present challenges. Although there may be crumbs, spills, cries, and complaints, your family can, with the use of some of the ideas below, reach your destination safely and with little stress.

Rules of the Road

Establish rules for your child when traveling, and teach your child to adhere to the Rules of the Road in every car; for every trip, no matter how short the drive; and no matter who is driving.

• Secure your child in a car seat, booster, or approved restraint that meets guidelines for the child’s age/weight.
• Never leave your child alone in the car.
• Ensure your child—and any child 13 and younger—rides in the back seat.
• Do not allow multiple children to share a seatbelt.
• Teach your child appropriate car behavior, such as using an inside voice, being gentle with toys (e.g., no throwing toys), and being kind to other riders (e.g., no arguing, no hitting).
• Remind your child that the car is not a play zone, and they must follow the rules to help ensure everyone’s safety.

Road-trip travel considerations

Take breaks.

Plan to stop driving about every 2 to 3 hours for day trips and every 4 to 6 hours for night trips. Regular breaks give you and your child opportunities to refresh. The stops allow you to attend to your child’s diapering, toileting, and feeding needs and can give you and your child a chance to engage in some physical activity. (Note: never attempt to breastfeed a child while the car is in motion).

Safety Alert: If you and your child get out of the car during breaks, ensure your child does not wander far from your line of sight or reach. Do not let your child play in your car or near moving cars.

Travel according to child’s schedule.

Consider taking your trip during times when your child may be sleeping for longer stretches. This could mean getting on the road early in the morning when your child is still sleeping, traveling during your child’s scheduled nap times, or driving at night when your child will be asleep for the night.

Sit in the backseat with your child.

Have an adult or an older child sit in the backseat with a younger child so they can recognize cues for feeding, diapering, or car sickness. When you sit in the backseat, you remind your child that you (or a familiar person) are close by. Sitting in the back seat can also allow you to play with your child, read to them, sing to them, and soothe them.

Research your route.

Identify gas stations, charging stations, and rest stops for breaks. In the event that you need to stop at a hotel along the route, you may want to locate potential hotels that offer sleeping and feeding accommodations and welcoming staff for you and your child before you leave home.

Stay flexible.

Events do not always go according to plan when traveling with children. Try not to let the bumps and wobbles cause you stress, and, if you can, put a positive spin on any situations that may arise. Remember that driving allows your family to develop your own schedule and make as many stops as needed.

Essentials to pack for long road trips with your child

• Healthy snacks
• Milk, formula, water (Reminder: Keep breastmilk and prepared formula on ice)
• Hand sanitizing gel, spray, or wipes
• Baby-safe wipes (e.g., to clean surfaces, to clean the child)
• Medication
• First Aid Kit
• Thermometer
• Extra change of clothes
• Diapering and toileting needs (e.g., diapers, underwear, diaper cream, travel potty, changing pad, disposable bags for soiled diapers)
• Sunscreen (for children 6 months and older)
• Petroleum jelly (i.e., Vaseline, Aquaphor)
• Pacifier, lovey, soothing toy, transitional item
• Portable play yard
• A box of fun, interactive toys (e.g., stickers, pipe cleaners, counting objects, coloring books, crayons, dough)

Fun ideas for the road

Your child will probably experience occasional bouts of boredom and silence, particularly during road trips, and this is fine. However, when you are ready to interrupt the dullness of the drive, here are some screen-free ideas that you can use to spark your child’s imagination and to help them explore, wonder, and have fun while on the road.

• Read a book
• Listen to an audiobook
• Sing together
• Listen to music
• Follow or draw on an old-fashioned paper map
• Play “I spy”
• Play an alphabet game
• Play with puppets
• Count vehicles, signs, and/or animals
• See how many states you can spot on other cars’ license plates
• Allow your child to draw something with crayons on blank paper
• Have a spelling bee
• Play “20 Questions”
• Look for images in the clouds
• Teach your child their letters
• Review one-letter and two-letter sounds
• Sketch letters and/or shapes
• Play “Would You Rather”
• Create a poem together
• Make up a story together
• Draw a picture or color together
• Count or organize toys or objects
• Play a family trivia game
• Play a game of favorites (e.g., songs, books, ice cream, athletes)
• Recite tongue twisters
• Play connect the dots
• Play tic-tac-toe
• Play with play dough, clay, or putty
• Play the quiet game
• Take a snooze

The holiday season has arrived! For blended families, this can be a time of additional stress as parents and stepparents attempt to maintain special traditions and create memories with their new or still-adjusting family members. Below are some tips that can help you create a positive holiday experience for everyone in your blended family.

Plan Together—Co-parents, Partners, and Children.

Collaborate with your co-parent to create a schedule that accommodates both sets of parents and offers opportunities for children to spend quality time with everyone. You could share the holiday if your families (i.e., both sets of parents) live in the same area. Co-parents who live in different cities or states may want to establish a time when children can call and talk to the other parent. Discussing specific details at least a week before the drop off or pick up occurs can help ensure all members of all families know what to expect for the holiday. Details could include what time and where the children will be picked up or dropped off and the items they will need to pack or bring along. You may want to involve your children in the decision-making process if appropriate. For example, ask children to suggest activities they would like to participate in with the family or meals they would like to have.

Be Flexible with Scheduling.

Be flexible with schedules. Members of a blended family may have multiple celebrations to attend. Understand that compromises may be necessary. Flexibility often involves finding a middle ground that accommodates the needs and wishes of different family members. In addition, recognize that plans may need to change due to unforeseen circumstances. Having a backup plan or being open to spontaneous adjustments can reduce stress and tension.

Another option may be to consider celebrating holidays on different days or at different times. This can provide added flexibility to accommodate various family commitments. For example, instead of hosting an extended family dinner, you may choose to host a brunch event, so your stepchildren can be in attendance. The memories created are often more significant than the specific date or time of the celebration.

Respect and Embrace Traditions.

Discuss traditions openly with all members of your blended family. Sharing the importance of traditions and understanding each family member’s perspective can create opportunities for compromise during the holidays and can help family members embrace and celebrate the diversity of their blended family. If your blended family comes from different cultural or religious backgrounds, consider celebrating multiple holidays. Using this option creates respect for everyone’s traditions and provides an opportunity for learning and understanding.

Create New Traditions.

Ask everyone to offer their opinion regarding how they would like to celebrate. Gaining insight into what the others in your blended family desire from the holiday season might help you plan, together and individually, for this season and seasons to come. Traditions can be very simple, such as serving special foods, gathering for a movie night, or taking a walk together. New traditions may also emerge organically over time, and they may help create a sense of unity and connection within the new family structure.

Manage Expectations.

Blended families may face challenges during the holidays, and it is important to manage expectations and be adaptable to changes. For example, memories of past holidays may surface, comparisons may be made between then and now, people who are not present may be missed, and resentment toward the new individuals who are now part of the family holiday scene could emerge. Be prepared for the possibility that painful emotions may surface. Notice, name, and validate feelings to help the emotions flow, and offer support and discussion to prevent situations from escalating.

Focus on the Positive.

Focus on the positive aspects of the holiday season as a blended family to help create a joyful and harmonious atmosphere. Encourage a spirit of gratitude and appreciation, and help children (and coparents and partners!) see the holidays as a time for togetherness and creating happy memories.

When plans do not go as intended—you burn the main course and must grab take-out, or you forget to purchase movie tickets before they sell out—acknowledge the disappointment, and move on. Mistakes can make for laughable memories, and, sometimes, the alternative plan may be even more enjoyable than the original one!

Respect Boundaries.

Some individuals may need space or have specific preferences for how they celebrate. Discuss and honor these boundaries. And set your own boundaries if needed. For example, if your stepchildren will not be warmly received at your Aunt Edi’s annual cookie exchange, you may decide to decline that invitation. Boundaries may also include protecting time for your own self-care, such as maintaining a morning run before your cup of coffee. As you nurture yourself, you are also providing a healthy model for your children and stepchildren.

Include Everyone in the Holiday Festivities.

Ensure that everyone feels included and valued. Stepparents can play a crucial role in fostering a sense of belonging for stepchildren during the holiday season. This can be as simple as making time for children to call Mom on Christmas Eve or attend a special holiday event with Dad. If visiting others, such as extended family, for holiday events ensure that all children are included in activities, like gift exchanges. This will require advance planning to let friends and relatives know to expect additional children at their event, and you may be responsible for providing the extra gifts. No one in your family should be left out.

Be Patient and Understanding.

Recognize that blending families takes time and effort. Offer patience and understanding, especially during the holiday season, as emotions can run high. Manage your own expectations, and realize that you can only control your own behaviors and feelings. Even if others may not be happy to be in your home for the holidays or to be participating in a certain activity, you can still manage your emotions and reactions and be a positive role model. Acknowledge that children may be grieving or they may have a significant mental load as they work through feelings of guilt or anger. Children in your blended family may exhibit irritability or anxiety if they are overstimulated because they have attended or will attend multiple holiday celebrations. Your patience and support can provide a sense of comfort for children with a busy holiday schedule.

Prioritize Quality Time.

Create meaningful experiences and connections during the holidays that can benefit your family for years to come. Consider activities that involve all family members, such as group games, shared meals, and seasonal outings like ice skating or sledding to help your blended family create unique memories and establish new holiday traditions. In the years ahead, children may not remember the gifts they received, but they may remember the time Mom sang holiday karaoke. If gift giving is part of your holiday celebration, go over the children’s wish lists with your co-parent to decide who is going to buy what and set a spending limit.

BONUS TIP: After the holidays have passed, gather feedback so you can consider making adjustments to next year’s celebration. Ask each member of the family to tell you what they enjoyed, what they thought worked well, and what was challenging. Ask them to offer their input about future celebrations. Some family members may want to provide fresh feedback immediately after the holidays, so their thoughts and feelings are validated. Others may wish to wait until closer to the next holiday season to discuss their ideas, so they have time for thought and reflection.