Blog: Category: Grow (5-10 years)

Adoption: How to Talk to Children

Published on November 6, 2017
Family cuddling under a blanket

In 2015, 53,549 American children under the age of 18 were adopted from the foster care system, and, in 2016, 5,370 children from other countries were adopted by Americans (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2015; U.S. Department of State, 2016). It is important that families who have been personally touched by adoption talk honestly about the adoption with their children. Even though the conversations can be difficult or uncomfortable at times, open communication about adoption is associated with enhanced family relationship quality, reduced child behavioral problems, and healthy identity development.

Here are some best practices for parents to keep in mind as they talk to their child about adoption:

  • Start Early – Begin having conversations about adoption as early as possible, even as early as infancy! Start with the adoption story or how the child came to be a part of the family. By starting the conversation early, parents can ensure their child learns of his or her adoption from them. To have the parents tell their child he or she is adopted is important and can help make adoption feel normal for the child.
  • Make Conversations Interactive – When talking about adoption, engage the child as much as possible and make him or her an active participant in the conversation. If possible, make conversations interactive by using photos, maps, documents from the adoption agency, songs, or games.
  • Embrace Curiosity – Children will naturally be curious about their adoption, especially as they grow up, and they may ask a lot of questions. Embrace this curiosity, and use your best judgment in determining how to respond to your child’s questions. The goal is to help your child feel comfortable and confident in asking questions and talking with you about his or her adoption.
  • Take the Child’s Perspective – Often, it can be difficult for parents to determine what to share with their child about the For parents who are unsure of what to share, it may be useful for them to place themselves in their child’s position and ask, “What information would I want to know?” and “How would I want to hear that information?” These and similar questions may help identify supportive and caring ways to communicate with and relate to your child.
  • Emphasize the Positive – Children may experience negative thoughts and feelings about adoption that impact their self-worth. Parents can help alleviate these feelings by initiating open conversations that support them. For example, parents and children could discuss how their birth parents’ decision to place him or her for adoption was motivated by good intentions, how important he or she is  to the adopted family, how the adopted family is a permanent home for him or her, and how much each member of the adopted family loves him or her.

Additional Resources

Talking About Adoption: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt-parenting/talking/

When to Tell Your Child About Adoption: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/adoption-and-foster-care/Pages/When-to-Tell-Your-Child-About-Adoption.aspx

References

Johnson, C. (2017). Introduction. In C. Johnson & M. Lestino (Eds.), Adoption by the numbers: A comprehensive report of U.S. adoption statistics. Retrieved from https://www.adoptioncouncil.org/files/large/249e5e967173624

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2015). The AFCARS report. Retrieved from https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/afcarsreport23.pdf

U.S. Department of State. (2016). Intercountry adoption statistics. Retrieved from https://travel.state.gov/content/adoptionsabroad/en/about-us/statistics.html

Military Family Appreciation Month

Published on November 1, 2017
Family with dad in uniform, laughing and smiling

Military Family Appreciation Month was established in 1993 by the Armed Services YMCA. Since this time, November has been designated a time to honor and recognize the commitment and contributions made by military families in support of our nation and its military services. These families stand by and support Service members despite the risks. They truly know what it means to serve!

Even though these families face a variety of hardships, they are resilient and often develop new coping patterns that make them even stronger. However, these families still need support and recognition for facing challenges, such as the following:

  • Frequent moves
    • On average, military families move every 2 or 3 years. That’s 10 times more often than civilian families!
    • Children typically move 6 to 9 times during their school years.
  • Financial strain
    • Military spouses earn 38% less than civilian counterparts.
  • Underemployment and unemployment of spouses
    • 90% of female military spouses reported being underemployed or overqualified for the positions they hold.
    • 1 in 4 military spouses are unemployed or actively seeking work.
  • Service member injuries
    • According to a 2015 report by the U.S. Department of Defense, the number of Service members wounded in action during recent operations ranges from 1 to 31,951.
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
    • About 11 to 20% of Veterans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan operations are diagnosed with PTSD every year.

When you recognize the brave men and women who serve in our country’s military, also remember those who love and support them and who face many unique challenges in their daily lives. While these brave families comprise a diverse community, there are some common trends in family structure. Military spouses tend to be under the age of 35 and female. In fact, only 5% of military spouses are men. Service members are more likely to have young children at home compared to their civilian counterparts. Since 2001, over 2 million children have had a parent deployed.

How can you show your support to military families?

  • Help out! If you know a family with a serving member, offer to babysit their children, mow their lawn, or walk their dog.
  • Thank them for their sacrifices! You can do this online, in person, or in print.
  • Consider donating to organizations that support military families, such as the National Military Family Association.

References

DoSomething.org. (n.d.). 11 facts about military families. Retrieved from https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11-facts-about-military-families

Fischer, H. (2015). A guide to U.S. military casualty statistics: Operation Freedom’s Sentential, Operation Inherent Resolve, Operation New Dawn, Operation Iraqi Freedom, and Operation Enduring Freedom. Retrieved from https://fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/RS22452.pdf

Military.com. (2017). Military family appreciation month. Retrieved from http://www.military.com/military-family-appreciation-month

OCPA & JFHQ-NCR/MDW Public Affairs. (2013). National military family appreciation month. Retrieved from https://www.army.mil/article/114578/National_Military_Family_Appreciation_Month/

Powers, K. (2017). Military family appreciation month. Retrieved from https://ed4online.com/blog/military-family-appreciation-month-0

Ungar, M. (2013). Homeland: How resilient are military families in real life? Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nurturing-resilience/201309/homeland-how-resilient-are-military-families-in-real-life

U.S. Department of Defense. (2015). Military family support.  Retrieved from https://www.defense.gov/News/Special-Reports/1115_familysupport/

Vandiver, J. (2014). Study: 90 percent of military spouses underemployed. Retrieved from https://www.stripes.com/news/study-90-percent-of-military-spouses-underemployed-1.267239

Talking to Children About Peer Pressure

Published on October 16, 2017
Dad talking to crying daughter

As your children get older, they will start to care more about what their friends think and how others perceive them. Your child may feel pressured in good ways. For example, he or she may try out for a new sport or start learning how to play an instrument. However, your child might also feel pressured in bad ways, such as skipping class or cheating on a test. These types of activities can have negative impacts on your child’s education and academic success. Additionally, your teen may feel pressured into partaking in illicit activities, such as shoplifting, drug use, or underage drinking. The pre-teen and teenage years can be a challenging time for parents as they might feel like they are out of touch with their child. Here are some healthy ways to talk to your child about peer pressure and some strategies for your child to overcome it:

How to talk to your child:

  • Stay calm. It is important to listen to what your child is telling you and not overreact. Teens just want to be heard and respected, and they may tell you something you weren’t prepared to hear or might not like. It is important to acknowledge your children’s feelings, listen to them, and encourage them to come up with their own solutions.
  • Talk about what being a friend means. Ask questions about what makes a good friend and if your child feels as if he or she can trust a new person he or she has just met and wants to be around. Ask your teen why this person holds so much power over other people. Encourage your teens to be themselves and find peers who accept them for who they are.
  • Get to know your child’s friends. Invite your child’s friends over for a sleepover or dinner. Talk to them about their interests. Showing your child that you are interested and invested in his or her life and friendships may encourage your child to have more honest communication with you. Also, if issues arise with your child’s friends, you can talk to their parents and work together to address any concerns.
  • Model saying “no.” Show your child that it is okay to say no to something you don’t want to do. Practice saying no with your child, and equip your child with the skills he or she will need to follow through when the time comes. Remember to praise and encourage your child when he or she makes healthy choices.

Strategies for your child:

  • Pay attention to your emotions and gut feelings. If you feel like something is not right – chances are it isn’t. Pay attention to your feelings. The more in-tune you are with your emotions, the better you will be at identifying them, staying calm in stressful situations, and remaining in control.
  • Find a friend who also says no. It can be hard to be the only person saying no. Find a friend who is also willing to say no to skipping class or smoking a cigarette, and spend time with this person doing something you both enjoy. There is strength in numbers, and you may find that more people may be joining you than going out for a smoke!
  • Talk to someone you trust. If you continue to feel pressured, talk to a teacher, counselor, parent, or friend about the situation. You will find it is helpful to talk through your emotions with someone you trust and on whom you rely. These people can help you practice saying no, learn to say no in a different way, or help you come up with alternative solutions to saying no.

Additional Resources

Kids Health in the Classroom, Activities for Avoiding Peer Pressure: http://classroom.kidshealth.org/6to8/personal/growing/peer_pressure.pdf

Livestrong Peer Pressure Activity Guide: http://www.livestrong.com/article/562522-activities-for-a-peer-pressure-retreat-for-teens/

References

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. (2012). Peer pressure. Retrieved from https://www.aacap.org/aacap/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Families_Pages/Peer_Pressure_104.aspx

Berl, R. (2013). How to help your kids handle peer pressure. Retrieved from http://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2013/04/29/how-to-help-your-kids-handle-peer-pressure

GreatSchools Staff. (2017). 6 ways to help your child deal with peer pressure. Retrieved from https://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/6-tips-resisting-peer-pressure/

Kidshealth.org. (n.d.) Dealing with peer pressure. Retrieved from http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/peer-pressure.html#

How to Talk to Children About Cancer

Published on October 4, 2017
Mother with cancer touching daughter's hand from bed

As a parent, you may want to protect your children from distressing news, such as telling them a family member has cancer. Although it may be challenging, it is better to talk openly with your children about cancer rather than avoiding it. Children can sense when something is wrong. They may also overhear conversations that can cause confusion and provide them with misleading information. Being honest and sharing information early builds trust and keeps children from imagining things that are not true.

The first conversation about cancer is often the hardest. Here are a few communication tips on how to talk with your children if someone they know is diagnosed with cancer:

  • Use a calm and reassuring voice, but it’s okay if you become sad or start to cry. When children see a parent become sad or cry, it shows them that it’s okay for them to feel the same.
  • Use age-appropriate language. You are the best judge of how much information to share with your children. Young children will not need a lot of detailed information and will tend to focus on what they can see, such as hair loss. For older children, providing more details can help reduce feelings of helplessness and fear.
  • Provide information gradually. Tell them what they need to know immediately and then share as much information as they seem to want and are ready to handle. Having frequent conversations will give children the chance to absorb information at their own pace.
  • Don’t be afraid to use the word cancer. Explain that cancer is an illness and show them – on a picture or diagram – where the cancer is in the body. Make it clear that, although cancer is an illness, it is not contagious and they cannot catch cancer like they can catch a cold.
  • Explain the treatment plan. Your children may hear words such as chemotherapy or radiation. Be sure they understand these words. Prepare your children for possible physical changes, such as hair or weight loss, before these changes happen. Explain that, although the treatment may cause these side effects, it is helping the person with cancer get better.
  • Explain how it will affect their lives, especially if a parent or sibling has cancer. Try to keep your routines consistent, but prepare your children for the future, and help them understand some things are going to change. Tell them about events that can be especially disruptive, such as hospitalizations and surgeries, in advance. Consider taking your children to visit the treatment center or hospital to meet with caregivers; this can make the situation and upcoming events seem less frightening.
  • Provide opportunities for your children to help or stay in touch. You may find that your child wants to help but does not know what to do. Making cards and gifts or visiting an ill family member can help them feel connected and reduce feelings of helplessness.

Children tend to worry more if they feel that important information is being kept from them. Let your children know that they can ask questions and talk about their feelings. Talking with your children honestly and helping them express their emotions will help them cope with whatever changes lie ahead.

References

CancerCare. (2012). Helping children when a family member has cancer. New York: CancerCare. Retrieved from: https://www.cancercare.org/publications/22 helping_children_when_a_family_member_has_cancer

Cancer.Net. Talking about cancer: Talking with your children. Retrieved September 2017 from http://www.cancer.net/coping-with-cancer/talking-with-family-and-friends/talking-about-cancer/talking-with-your-children

Dana Farber Cancer Institute. For Parents: Talking to your children about cancer. Boston: Dana Farber Cancer Institute. Retrieved September 2017 from http://www.dana-farber.org/Adult-Care/Treatment-and-Support/Patient-and-Family-Support/Family-Connections/Talking-with-Kids-about-Cancer.aspx

Schnipper, H. H. (2017). Your cancer guide: Talking with your young children. Philadelphia: American Association for Cancer Research (AACR). Retrieved from http://www.cancertodaymag.org/Summer2017/Pages/Talking-With-Your-Young-Children-Hester-Hill-Schnipper.aspx

Toy Safety and Other Tips on Protecting Your Child in Your Home

Published on September 15, 2017
Baby trying to eat a small toy

In 2015, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission reported that 254,200 children under the age of 15 years were seen in emergency departments for toy-related injuries. That’s 696 kids every day! More than a third of those injured were children 5 years old and younger.

When buying toys, be sure to check the label and follow age recommendations, such as “Not recommended for children under three.”  Age recommendations are not based on developmental intelligence; they are based on safety factors. Check existing toys for damage and repair, and throw away any toys that could present potential hazards, such as sharp edges, splinters, and rusted or weak parts. Toy boxes may also cause safety concerns, such as a lid that could easily fall down on a child or sharp corners.

Toys should be larger than the child’s mouth to prevent choking hazards. Toys with cords should be avoided, or the cord should be cut to prevent strangulation. Toy darts or arrows should not have hard points at the end. The points should be soft-tipped or have suction cups.

Aside from toys, other objects around the home can be hidden hazards:

  • Small objects, like magnets and watch batteries, can be choking hazards.
  • Children should always wear helmets and other protective gear for their knees, elbows, and wrists while riding bicycles, skates, and scooters.
  • Broken or uninflated balloons can be choking hazards.

References

CPSC. (n.d.).  Toy-related deaths and injuries calendar year 2015. Consumer Product Safety Commission. Retrieved from https://www.cpsc.gov/s3fs-public/Toy_Report_2015_0.pdf

CPSC. (n.d.).  Think toy safety. Consumer Product Safety Commission. Retrieved from https://www.cpsc.gov/s3fs-public/281%281%29.pdf

How Parents Can Keep in Touch with Their Children While Traveling for Work

Published on September 1, 2017
Dad in uniform about to depart holding son

Many families face the challenge of a parent who travels for work, and you may be wondering how you can best stay connected to your loved one while he or she is away. Military families, in particular, face unique challenges when it comes to staying connected during long periods apart, such as during deployments.

Call, text, email, and video chat options are widely available these days and should be used whenever possible. During long deployments or separations, keep in mind that you will not always be able to stick to a schedule. To avoid disappointments, don’t set a weekly time for communication. Instead, take time at the end of each call to plan for when you can next talk to your loved one. Vary your communication methods, so you aren’t relying solely on one technology that may be unreliable. Have a back-up plan for times when technology prevents the use of one form of communication.

Keep in mind that younger children may not be developmentally ready for long conversations and may be distracted by seeing their own face during video chats. Help them with a simple script, such as asking their parent about his or her day, telling the parent about their own day, and saying “I love you and miss you.” Recognize that not every conversation will be meaningful, but your loved one will appreciate the effort.

Aside from current technologies, don’t forget that there are many other creative methods of communication that allow families to stay connected:

  • Snail mail. A handwritten note or letter will make your loved one’s day brighter.
  • Record a video message for the children to watch when they are missing their parent.
  • Record the parent reading a favorite bedtime story.
  • Share photos of what’s happening in your daily life.
  • Trace a photo of the parent’s hand. Hang it on the refrigerator, so your child can high-five it when something good happens.
  • Keep a journal of life’s little moments to share stories about a child’s successes or funny things he or she has done or said.
  • Send a care package of special things. Let the children be involved in what is sent, and be sure to ask the other parent how he or she enjoyed the package.

References

Ehmke, R., & Ehmke, R. (n.d.). Staying close during deployment. New York: Child Mind Institute. Retrieved August 2017 from https://childmind.org/article/staying-close-during-deployment

Grow! for Parents of 5 to 10 Year Olds

Published on December 8, 2016

The Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness at Penn State, in partnership with the Department of Defense’s Office of Military Community and Family Policy, is developing the THRIVE Initiative to empower parents with skills that will aid them in using better parenting practices from the prenatal period until their children reach adulthood. The initiative consists of four age-specific, skill-building segments, and, in each, developmentally appropriate programming will guide parents in learning and utilizing evidence-informed parenting and health promotion skills. By doing so, parents can foster positive youth development and resiliency across their children’s lifespan.

Grow! is the first of the four segments to be developed, and it has been specifically designed to teach parenting strategies that can benefit parents with children ages 5 to 10 years of age. The Grow! program is delivered as five highly interactive and video-based sessions that are each approximately 90 minutes in length and led by a trained facilitator. The sessions are intended to be delivered to groups of 10 to 12 families.

thrive-continuum_updated-26jan2017

There are three primary focuses of the Grow! program:

  • The targeted parenting skills selected for inclusion in the Grow! curriculum have been demonstrated in research as positively impacting child outcomes. Examples of these skills include using discipline to teach, giving praise and encouragement, engaging in child-directed play, and establishing rules and routines.
  • Parents are taught strategies for managing their own stress and ways to help coach their child in developing positive coping strategies.
  • The curriculum recognizes that promoting physical activity and encouraging healthy eating are parenting skills that can be taught. Parents learn about evidence-informed child feeding strategies, recommendations for physical activity and screen time, and how to overcome barriers to eating healthy and being active.

The face-to-face version of Grow! is fully developed. Grow! has been implemented in two civilian communities in central PA, and is currently being implemented and evaluated at eight military installations in the U.S., Japan, German, and Italy.

The THRIVE team is currently developing an online version of the Grow! curriculum.

To implement a program in your community or to register for a program, contact:

The Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness
Email: THRIVE@psu.edu
Phone: 1-877-382-9185

Learn More Online!
www.THRIVE.psu.edu